


Stay With Me

by LokianaWinchester



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: :), Angst, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Prompt Fill, So is Bucky, Wakanda, but they are okay together, mentions of shuri - Freeform, steve is hurting and in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 15:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14696646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokianaWinchester/pseuds/LokianaWinchester
Summary: Kissing Prompt: A kiss on a place of insecurity. Post - Civil War





	Stay With Me

Steve was beyond grateful that T’Challa had offered Bucky and himself refuge in Wakanda. They could heal there, get properly reacquainted. Steve was sure there was a lot they had to catch up on, but Bucky stayed quiet. Bucky stayed too quiet for too long, for days he said only the barest minimum that was required of him, but Steve needed more. He needed to know where they stood.

The last time he had seen Bucky, not the Winter Soldier, but Bucky back in the forties, he had been different. They had both been different back then, as had their relationship. Steve’s enhanced memories allowed him to recall their last night before the fateful mission in punishing detail. For years now, he had had the memory of Bucky’s lips on his own and Bucky’s hands roaming over his skin. And at first it had been painful, but not too badly so. He was still mourning Bucky when he came out of the ice, but at last he had closed with it, as much as he could. He found peace in the sadness that overcame him at every mention of Bucky, every thought about him.

But then Bucky was suddenly not dead anymore and Steve was hurting again. Unsure of where he was, of how he was living, of his state of mind. It hurt Steve indescribably to think of the torture Bucky had surely endured, to think of what they had done to him, to think of how he might not remember anything. The fact that Steve was alive after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., spoke against that, but maybe Bucky still did not consciously remember him.

And then there was the matter of his arm. Steve did not know anything about it at that time and that was what worried him the most.

Now, Steve knew how painful it was, the scar tissue around the rim of metal on Bucky’s shoulder spoke for itself. Steve’s heart hurt when he imagined how it had gotten there. How they fused Bucky with that thing. And indeed, it turned out, this was a source of great discomfort and insecurity to Bucky.

When he first lost the arm, he had been entirely unstable on his legs, completely uncoordinated in his movements. The arm had been heavy and years of training had made it the weapon it eventually became to Bucky, but with it gone, his whole body seemed to behave differently and so Bucky’s insecurity had another source.

But he seemed to sense, that Steve did not care about his physical condition and slowly he began opening up. Bucky made it clear from the very beginning, that he wanted to go back into cryo-stasis, so they knew, they had a limited amount of time to spend together and Steve still hurt, even though Bucky was right there. Steve still hurt, because Bucky was already planning to leave him again, but he was not going to speak up, because it was not about him. This was Bucky’s life.

Bucky seemed to remember a lot from before, but he never made any moves towards any physical contact with Steve. It was strictly limited to a hand clasped round a shoulder or a gentle nudge at one of Bucky’s subtle jokes.

The night, before Bucky was supposed to be put back under, back into the ice, that had taken so many years of his life already, for an undefined time, he asked Steve to stay with him. Modern day clothes suited Bucky incredibly well, Steve found. The soft pants, the Wakandans wore – resistant and durable but incredibly soft – in a dark earthy brown and the slightly baggy light grey hoodie, Bucky was wearing, did not especially accentuate an of his features, but it seemed right for him, he looked incredibly good in them and he seemed comfortable. This was most important to Steve, that Bucky was feeling safe and well in his own skin.

“Can we talk?”, Bucky requested, as they settled down on the couch in his room.

“Of course,” Steve replied. This was what he wanted, nothing more. He wanted Bucky to open up to him and he was grateful, that Bucky felt comfortable enough around him to ask him for this opportunity.

“I guess, you probably wanna know how much I remember, right?” Bucky continued after a moment of silence. Steve nodded in reply. His breath caught in his throat in anticipation.

“Everything. I remember everything. I didn’t in the beginning, but then I started to and it was like a flood sometimes, so much came back to me and now, there are no more gaps. I remember everything. The last days, they filled in the last missing pieces.” He took a deep breath. Steve’s eyes were fixed on Bucky’s lips. He was not sure about how his own expression looked but he guessed, it was somewhere between baffled and admiring, happy.

But Bucky’s expression shifted to something darker.

“Don’t look like that, Steve. I might remember, but I’m not the same person. I’m not that Bucky anymore. I’ve seen things… I’ve done things. I’m sorry I can’t be that man.”

“No. No, don’t be sorry. I can’t even imagine what you went through. You have no reason to be the man you were eighty years ago. And no obligation. I – I wish all that” he gestured towards Bucky’s arm, or rather where it should be. “hadn’t happened, but I couldn’t possibly expect you to be unchanged.” Steve noticed Bucky flinch when his arm was mentioned.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –“

“It’s alright, Steve. I just – I’m a disfigured ex-brainwashed-russian-assassin. I’m not exactly used to gentle handling.”

“But you should be,” escaped from Steve’s lips, before he could think. Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Can I?” Steve asked, extending a hand towards the stump of Bucky’s arm, hidden underneath the folded sleeve of his hoodie. Bucky stayed silent for a long moment, just looking at him, and Steve wondered, if he had gone too far. Finally Bucky let out a barely audible breath of ‘yeah’.

Steve inched closer and let his fingertips wander over the skin at the neckline of the hoodie. Bucky shivered under his touch, but just as Steve wanted to pull back – maybe this was not the right thing to do after all – Bucky shook his head and pulled down the zipper of his hoodie, slipping out of it and put it next to him on the couch.

The white tank top, he wore underneath, exposed the scar tissue, that vanished into the bandage, that Shuri had designed for Bucky to wear until they had a replacement for the Hydra-designed arm. Steve let his fingers stroke along the curve of Bucky’s neck towards his shoulder, stopping before the unmarked skin crossed over into twisted scars. Bucky’s gaze was fixed on his face, when Steve looked at him.

“It’s ugly. You don’t have to pretend like it isn’t.” It broke Steve’s heart that Bucky could think something like that.

“No. It isn’t. I’m not pretending. If you… remember everything, really, then you remember how much I adored you, Buck. I still do. Nothing will change that. You are beautiful, no matter what. No matter what people might say, or what you think. I wish you’d think differently, but please know, that I think you’re so beautiful and nothing can change that.”

“But –” Bucky started, but Steve would not have it.

“Shhh,” He skimmed over the scars along the rim of the bandage, gently, with one finger and leaned in, all while watching Bucky’s face for traces of discomfort.

As he pressed his lips to the uneven patch of skin, he heard Bucky’s breath catch in his throat, then a gentle sigh. He proceeded to pepper gentle kisses onto the scars, until Bucky’s hand came up to his jaw, tilting his head upwards until their faces were only inches apart. Steve did not move. It was not his place to, this was Bucky deciding, what he was ready to do.

But when Bucky kissed him, when their lips met for the first time after almost seventy-five years, he could not hold back any longer. His hands came up, fingers sliding into Bucky’s hair, keeping him in place, while Steve kissed him back.

When they finally broke apart, Bucky was silent for a moment, eyes closed, before speaking up.

“Thanks.”

Steve wanted to reply, but Bucky continued.

“I’m afraid, Steve. I don’t know how long I’ll be in there. Or how long they need me to be in there. I’m dangerous. I’m afraid of myself. Promise me –” He took Steve’s hand into his own. Steve wrapped his other around Bucky’s hand. “Promise me, that you’ll stay. I need you.”

Steve heard the desperation in Bucky’s voice despite the effort to hide it..

“Of course I’ll stay, Buck”

The look Steve received at this answer, showed vulnerability, trust, love and when he hugged Bucky close, feeling his heartbeat in his own chest, Steve knew he would keep this promise and every other he had ever given to Bucky. He needed this and Bucky needed him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave kudos and comments :))


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